whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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