So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I wear drunk well.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
