You smell like stripper and shame
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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