She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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