and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
