Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
