The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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