You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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