The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Randomize
