not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
