The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
