Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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