I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
