i permit you to call me
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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