we have officially lost it.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
