plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
