Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
