I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
