laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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