Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
