he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
