If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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