will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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