I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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