pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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