I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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