True but thats because hes a fetus.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
