I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
should my penis look like a turkey
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
