Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
