Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
two words: eviction party
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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