I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
