yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
