When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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