You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
