i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
