My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
