I smell stomach acid.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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