You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
