Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
