Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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