drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Randomize
