hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
