drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
