Where is the hickey?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Princesses don't give blow jobs
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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