what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
