Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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