last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
