Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
