The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
