According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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