what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
