i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
